SEASON 6 EPISODE 25
(EPISODE 128)
THIS IS IT:
The Season 6 cliffhanger. The first real time The Simpsons performed a
plotline related publicity stunt. This
was their version of Dallas’
Who Shot J.R.? Did this mean they were about to kill off one
of their major characters? And with the
show at the peak of its powers these were exciting times. It begins with a new day at Springfield
Elementary and Principal Skinner opening the front doors of the school with the
sun blazing behind him. Breathing it in
Skinner comments “ah, is there nothing so intoxicating as the school hallway at
early morn”. His joy is cut short when
he catches whiff of a bad smell (“the school normally doesn’t smell so rank”). After checking his own pits he determines
that it must be one of the classrooms.
It turns out to be a class gerbil crushed by his own water bottle. From here we cut to Groundskeeper Willie sat
laughing while reading My Weekly Read.
With this there is a knock on the Custodial Dept door as Skinner states
that over the weekend the Grade 4 gerbil Super Dude died. He asks that he airs out the classroom and
give Super Dude the proper burial.
Willie digs a hole for the gerbil in the boiler room saying to it
“you’re lucky that you’re getting a decent burial, me own father got thrown in
the bog”. Then while digging he suddenly
notices a thick black liquid on the end of his shovel and bubbling up from the
hole. Promptly the floor begins to
vibrate before oil begins to gush.
Cutting to the Grade 4 classroom Mrs Krabappel sprays over the now empty
gerbil cage as Bart asks “what reeks” before the oil gush shoots up through
their floor continuing to the classroom above and beneath Ralph where we
worries Miss Hoover about the floor shaking before he gets caught and shot up
in the gush. At this point we cut to the
nuclear plant where a board meeting is in progress and Mr Burns
stating that a parcel of profit projections needs to be sent to Pete Porter in Pasadena 1000 grams which disappoints Burns causing him to comment
“sounded large when I ordered it”. Back
at Springfield Elementary Skinner is on the roof surveying the damage (“my lord,
such destruction”) as Superintendent Chalmers arrives who blasts “why is it
when I heard the word school and the word exploded I immediately thought of the
word Skinner?” Luckily it is at this
point a contractor pops up stating “congratulations gentleman, your custodian
struck oil, you’re standing on top of the richest elementary school in the
state”. He also found the oil-drenched
corpse of Super Dude the gerbil, which Skinner promptly throws off the roof. From here we cut to Executive Spa as Burns shudders
while reading the Springfield
Shopper sporting the headline “Awful School Is Awful Rich”. Angrily he exclaims “a non-profit
organisation with oil, I will not allow it”.
In front on the tandem exercise bike is Smithers doing all the work who
asks “have you had enough exercise for this morning?” as he says no suggesting
that they do another 20 miles as he goes and plays pinball. With this we cut to Smithers exhausted and
bent over staggering into an elevator with Burns where Homer, Lenny, Carl and
Guillermo are. Spotting everyone Burns
acknowledges them all by name (even Guillermo whose face is covered by a safety
hood) except for Homer whose name he cannot place despite him wearing a name
badge and wearing a safety helmet with his name on. After Burns exits Lenny notices that Homer is
hurt so he comforts him only to have Guillermo undo his effort pointing out
that Burns even knows the names of his sons Ronaldo and Rolando (even though at
the company picnic he got them mixed up).
Back at Springfield Elementary Chalmers is firing up a large cigar while
Skinner is showing him that the school made the front-page of the Springfield
Shopper tactically covering the first “awful” in the headline with his
hand. Suspicious of this Chalmers asks
what’s beneath his hand as he responds “its an unrelated”. Still dubious Chalmers comments “an unrelated
article within the banner headline”. To
redirect the conversation slightly Skinner says that he has had some ideas on
how to spend the money. Chalmers responds
“well we could give each a student a full college scholarship” as the pair of
them burst out laughing. Seriously
though before they draw up the budget he states that some students and faculty
have some suggestions. This begins with
Willie requesting a crystal bucket for his slop water and a brand new filthy
blanket. Approved. Lunch lady Doris says the cafeteria staff are
complaining about the mice in the kitchen and that she wants to hire a new
staff. Approved. Lisa requests that they start a jazz programme in the music
department offering Tito
Puente as the teacher.
Approved. Ralph requests
chocolate microscopes. Approved. Otto asks for one of those guitars that are
like a double guitar. Approved. And busy with rubber-stamping so many
proposals he puts in a request for more rubber stamps. Approved.
One last student turns up with a suggestion. It is Mr Burns in a purple wool hat and Punisher t-shirt stating “me
and my fourth form chums think it would be quite corking if you’d sign over
your oil well to the local energy concern”.
With a cough Principal Skinner says “Mr Burns it was naïve of you to
think that I would mistake this town’s most prominent 104 year old man for one
of my elementary school students”.
Taking on a threatening tone Burns snaps “I want that oil well, I’ve got
a monopoly to maintain. I own the
electric company and the water works.
Plus the hotel on Baltic
Avenue” to which Skinner responds “that hotel’s a dump and you’re
monopoly’s pathetic”. As he reiterates
the well is not for sale (“especially to a black hearted scoundrel like you”)
Burns lurches at Skinner and attempts to attack him. Unfortunately his efforts are feeble and fall
short as his arms flail in the air failing to connect. Calling to Smithers for assistance he comes
in with an open stapler pointed at Skinner which he fires a number of times to
zero results prompting him to request “please don’t waste those”. At the Simpson house it is dinnertime as
Marge says that she is happy that the school has the money as it is going to
offer new opportunities. Not so happy
Bart says “big deal” before moaning that they didn’t approve his idea to use
the money to resurrect The Three Stooges. Also down is Homer who says that he hates his
job adding “what’s the point when your boss doesn’t even remember your
name?” Trying to help Marge says that
she has an idea stating that when her father was trying to catch the eye of her
mother he sent her a box of candy with his picture inside it. Feigning interest Homer responds “that’s all well
and good but that’s not really YOUR idea, is it now Marge?” Meanwhile at the nuclear plant Burns stands
on his balcony looking at the school oil well through binoculars before panning
across to where Burns
Construction Co is building something for his plan to deal with the
oil. Feeling a sense of guilt Smithers
goes against code and requests that Burns reconsiders his plans stating “this
isn’t a rival company you are battling with it is a school, people won’t stand
for it”. Dismissive Burns snaps “pish
posh, it will be like taking candy from a baby” as hit spots a baby in a
sandpit licking a candy stick “say, that sounds like a laugh, lets try it right
now”. Fortunately before Burns carries
through with the deed Smithers points out a box of candy on his desk which they
can eat instead of stealing. As they
pick at the chocolates it slowly reveals a photo of the Simpson family
beginning with Maggie (“the baby who found my precious teddy bear Bobo”). Next they reveal “that Simpson mutt, my
former guard dog” followed by Bart (“he was my heir for a brief period”). Soon they have finished almost the entire box
with only the sour quince log
remaining covering Homer’s head.
Unimpressed Burns says “dispose of it” adding “please send a thank you
note to Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie Simpson”.
With this we cut to Oil Appreciation Day at Springfield Elementary where
Skinner is giving a speech stating “today Springfield Elementary embarks on a
new era of unbridled spending where petrol dollars will fuel our wildest
educational fantasies”. They get top
student Lisa Simpson to turn on the oil pump for the very first time. Unfortunately there is no gush as an engineer
reports that there is no pressure stating “someone else has tapped this
well”. It transpires that it is
unsurprisingly Mr Burns that has dug into the oil supply as the camera cuts to
where Burns Construction Co has completed building and become Burns Slant
Drilling Co situated right next to Moe’s Tavern. And now about to burst Burns comments to
Smithers how exciting it is as finally they hit oil sending a huge shot across
Springfield which hits Bart in his treehouse where he is sharing a strawberry
ice cream with Santa’s Little Helper.
The impact destroys the house and the tree sending both of them
flying. Bart is just dazed and bruised
but Santa’s Little Helper’s injuries are serious as we quickly cut to Springfield
Animal Hospital. Emerging from the
Canine Trauma Ward happily the vet announces that his status has been updated
from “stable to frisky” but still injured his hind legs are now cradled by a
wheelabout. With this Bart pats the dog
telling him that he will get even with whoever did this. At this point the vet attaches a cone to his
neck to prevent him gnawing on his cast.
This is coincides with Nelson passing with parrot which laughs the same
as Nelson. Back at Springfield
Elementary Skinner informs his staff that they have no legal recourse against
Mr Burns and his slant drilling operation.
Alarmed Willie asks about all the expensive they ordered and whether
they can still have it. Obviously they
can no longer afford it so when Skinner tells him “no” he rips his overalls in
anger. In fact to pay for all the
construction, operation and demolition of the well the school will have to
elimate all non-essential programmes which means music and maintenance further
incensing Willie prompting him to proclaim “I’ll kill that Mr Burns! And wound that Mr Smithers”. And back at the Simpson house Lisa is on the
phone to Tito Puente who is giving her the bad news. Turning to Homer Lisa asks how he can work
for such a horrible man. In his defence
Homer offers “he’s not all bad, he did send me this nice thank you card” but
Lisa points out that it does not include him in the message. Now at the height of frustration he asks Lisa
and Bart to step outside for second as he screams the F word at the top of his
voice which rattles Springfield prompting Ned to comment “dear lord that’s the
loudest profanity I have ever heard”.
Meanwhile at the slant oil well fumes are rising and entering
Moe’s. Inside Barney comments “these
fumes aren’t as fun as beer. Sure I’m
all dizzy and nauseous but where’s the inflated sense of self esteem?” Elsewhere another patron passes out as Moe
point “hey if you guys are getting loaded off them fumes I’m gonna have to
charge ya”. With this a public health
officer in a contamination suit steps in declaring “man alive there are men
alive in here”. His assistant runs a
scan detecting over twenty different toxins in the air. On that reading everyone is ordered out as
the bar is to remain closed while Burns is still pumping oil. Resigning the bar to closure Moe says “just
let me get one thing” as he pulls a pump action shotgun from behind the
bar. Responding in kind Barney says “me
too” as he pulls a pistol from beneath his bar stall (“now there’s the inflated
sense of self esteem”). Now digging
further into the ground the slant oil drill causes vibrations beneath Springfield
Retirement Castle as Grandpa is wakened jumping from his bed thinking that it
is an earthquake. In the end it causes
the old people’s home to subside. The
next day Smithers looks over Springfield from the Burns’ office balcony seeing
all the damage that has been caused to the town. Feeling angered by this he turns to Burns
surrounded by money and says “well sir you’ve certainly vanquished all your
enemies: the elementary school, the local tavern, the old age home. You must be very proud”. However he is not. Pursuing his greed he looks to his greatest
nemesis still providing the town with free light, heat and energy: the
sun. With this he reveals a model of
Springfield and explains his latest plan: “since the beginning of time man has
yearned to destroy the sun. I will do
the next best thing: block it out”. He
adds “imagine it. Electrical lights and
heaters running all day long”. Promptly
attempting to dissuade him Smithers states “but sir every plant and tree will
die. Owls will deafen us with incessant
hooting. The town sundial will be
useless”. Standing against the plan
Smithers says that he won’t be part of this project as Burns accuses him of
insubordination while Smithers accuses him of being on the brink of insanity. And with that Burns fires Smithers before
tearing on a rampage crushing various landmarks on his model of Springfield
including Barney’s Bowlarama, the Kwik-E-Mart and accidentally the nuclear
power plant. The third act begins with a
shot of Homer reading the latest issue of the Springfield Shopper carrying the headline
“Burns plans sunshine halt”. With this
Marge states that “Mr Burns is being awfully inconsiderate. Selfish even”. In agreement Bart adds that Mr Burns needs
“some serious boostafazoo” before yanking the newspaper from him for attention
only to reveal Grandpa Simpson behind the newspaper prompting them to scream in
shock as Lisa apologies saying that for a moment she thought that Homer had
melted. It turns out that Grandpa is now
living there until they fish his bed out of the sinkhole at Springfield
Retirement Castle. Marge then serves up
breakfast in the form of “string carrots for Maggie, string carrots for
Grandpa”. Meanwhile Homer is driving to
work where Burns’ ignorance of his name is affecting him to the extent that he
is envisage multiple Burns asking his name.
After accidentally crashing through the security distracted by his
hallucinations Homer sneaks into Burns’ office where he sets about spray
painting the walls with “I am Homer Simpson”.
Just as he finishes the lights come on as Burns catches him in the act
reacting by saying “who the devil are you?”
Further angered Homer grabs him and repeatedly tells him his name until
two plant heavies come and drag him away as he shouts “you’re dead Burns” on
the way out. Back at the Simpson house
Grandpa is unpacking in the front room as Santa’s Little Helper wheels past
prompting him to inform Bart “hey the lamp’s running away”. Bart explains that it is his dog as Grandpa
tells him to stop loafing and to help him unpack at which point Bart discovers
his Smith & Wesson inside a Two
Stars Cigars box. Blasé Grandpa comments
“if you’re gonna play with be careful cos its loaded”. At this point Marge spots Bart with the gun
and freaks out grabbing it and saying she is going to bury it in the yard. Annoyed Grandpa tells Bart “you should have
fired it, she would have run off”. From
here we cut to Springfield
Town Hall where Mayor Quimby is telling the people of Springfield
IS IT ANY GOOD:
It’s pretty
decent. Away from the gimmick element it
packs a lot in with a number of characters getting opportunity to shine.
WHAT IT TAUGHT ME:
Quite frankly not a
whole lot.
EXTERNAL REFERENCES:
Bart wants to try and
resurrect The Three
Stooges. And the episode in general
is a tribute to the Dallas episode
“A House
Divided” when J.R. Ewing
was mysteriously shot.
BEST LINES:
“I can’t made hide nor
hare of these metric booby traps” says Burns after he hits Homer with a 1000 gram weight.
“What I’m about to say violates every sycophant urge in my body”
Smithers to Burns. Tito Puente saying
“aye carumba” reacting to the news that someone else has tapped the well. “Soon that mighty apparatus will burst forth
with its pressure fluid, almost sexual isn’t it Smithers?” “The town sundial will be useless”. “Hey, the lamp’s running away”. Chalmers dubiously commenting “an unrelated
article within the banner headline”.
BEST JOKES:
Burns and Smithers
feebly attempting to beat Skinner coupled with Burns’ tiny weight and his later
stomping his own nuclear plant on his town model. Skinner and Chalmers make a good team
especially when Skinner is his most transparent.
PERIPHERAL MOMENT:
The Springfield
Executive Spa comes with the motto “physical fitness for better tyranny”. When Mr Bouvier was trying to catch the eye
of Marge’s mother he sent her a box of candy with a picture of himself beneath
the chocolates. Burns Construction Co
carries the logo “building a better tomorrow for him”. Grandpa has a box of Habana Two Stars Cigars.
REALITY CROSSOVER:
Two of my bosses at
separate jobs in the music industry (The Studio and Baker Street)
thought my name was “Justin”. Neither
individual has since thrived. A third
acquaintance at Butt Road
back when I worked in Colchester
thought my name was “Steve”. I can really empathise with Homer’s
frustration and pain.
MVP:
Burns gets off some
good lines in a widespread episode where nobody really stars. Grandpa also comes up with the goods.
GUEST APPEARANCES:
Tito Puente.
SONGS:
No specific tracks
other than the sombre take of the closing credits.
EPISODE LINKS:
When eating Homer’s
gift candy and recalling the Simpson family Burns refers to episodes “Rosebud”,
“Dog Of Death” and “Burns’ Heir”.
PERCULARITIES/RUBBERBAND
REALITY:
Nelson has a
parrot. When did Nelson get a parrot?
BART ON THE
BLACKBOARD:
This is not a clue…or
is it?
OTHER:
Turns out slant drilling is
a real thing. Mr Burns must love fracking.
FINAL WORDS:
I’m not a fan of
two-part episodes.
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